Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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