She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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