Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
