it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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