I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The Olympian is in my bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
