SEEEEXXX PLEASE
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
