Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
