He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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