They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
