haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
