Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
