Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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