I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
