whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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