At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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