Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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