glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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