thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
