they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
