Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
