I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
