his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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