I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
