sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
