so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
