Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
