Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
