The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
