If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
