Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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