hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
