**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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