Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
