I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
