It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
