My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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