I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
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