I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
