She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
