Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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