im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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