idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
