But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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