my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
