you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize