My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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