A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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