Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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