well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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