Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
