Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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