I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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