$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my moral compass just broke
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
