just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
