Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
