A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
