I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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