I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
