i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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