I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
