I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
