i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
