Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
