I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
