I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
