I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
