i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
