i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
