oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
