oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
