I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
