Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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