The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
