My liver just broke up with me...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
