I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
