She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
