I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
