I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
