look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
