Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
