she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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