pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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