I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
