In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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