We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
