Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
