Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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