She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
