We won't sleep together?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
