2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
