If i come over, it means nothing
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
