bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
