Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can I color on your dick again?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
