Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
