The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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